My dreadlocks.... the mystery revealed.

Just about 5 times per day, someone asks about my hair.  It's a MYSTERY to them...  except for the ones that run up to me holding a picture of themselves when they used to have locks and tell me some reason why they had to cut them off.  I'm like, 'You carry around a photo of yourself with dreads all the time?'  I admit, it's kind of a brotherhood (and/or sisterhood, but it's always dudes who approach me about how dope their locks were 'back in the day'...)  or like a secret society of earthy people. I dig it.

That said, there are always those damn ignorant people who ask me the stupidest shit.  I was ordering a coffee one fine morning and the chick behind the counter says, "So you put manure in your dreads to make them like that, right?"  Really?! Really really?  Gee yes, I put cow shit in my hair.  What a wonderful assumption.  And thank you for that, you really made my morning.

So, let me reveal the incredible mystery that are my dreadlocks.

Yes, they are real and it is all my own hair.

No, I do not put manure, honey, mud, glue or any other kind of crap in my hair.

Yes, I wash it.  A lot.  Like 3 times per week, which is a lot for anyone with dreads.

No, I don't have to shave my head when I want to get rid of them, but I will have to cut my hair short since it will be so damaged.

No, I am not homeless, nor do I sleep on the street or in my car...  I pay rent and taxes and have a very lovely career.

No, I will not steal anything from you.

No, I am not stoned ALL the time.

Yes, my mom hates them, but they've grown on her since I've had them so long.

No, you cannot pay me to make dreads in your hair. Do it yourself, kid.

Also, I love when people play with my dreads, but come on, ASK me first.  I was at the Viper Room one night and this chick behind me just grabbed my hair... outta nowhere.  I'm never one to be rude, so I just kinda turned around and smiled sheepishly.  THEN she asked if she could touch them... hmm. Oh well, ok, since you already have been for the last 5 minutes.. keep at it.

All in all, I love my hair.  It's become a part of me...  they hold a lot of energy (Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet were totally right).  It's the stigmas attached to them that piss me off, but I guess it just comes with the territory.  If you want dreads, be prepared to look homeless for the first 2 years while they lock up.  And you will lose 1/2 the length of when you started them.  Yes, HALF.  Cops will fuck with you.  Your mom will hate them.  You will be pulled out of line at the airport.  People will ask you ignorant questions.  But on the bright side, you will attract like-minded souls wherever you go... you will also get smoked out a lot.  Like, a lot.